Back to the future with Tony Abbott
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Brave innovator Tony Abbott has decided to blaze a trail
to the past by restoring imperial baubles to Australia. Sydney bureau
chief Ross Jones comments.
How do you spell P-U-K-E? BUNYIP, that’s how. Sir Arthur Sinodinis. Dame Gina Rinehart.
Lord Downer must be squirming in delight.
After mocking Slipper’s revival of Menzian garb to adorn the office
of Speaker, Coalition throwbacks have unzipped their forelocks and laid
them squarely at the foot of the Crown.
Bob Nobody, AO, is the kind of peer who wears his title behind, the
kind of guy who gets in the front seat of a cab. Sarah Whatever, AO,
when she is out, is called Sarah.
Sir Bob, on the other hand, gets in the back seat. Dame Sarah is no
longer Sarah, she is Dame Sarah and gets the good seats wherever she
goes.
This is class warfare from the top.
The Coalition bleaters have been rabbiting on about class warfare from the left for so long most Murdoch readers
believe it. But, as any decent totalitarian will attest, the first rule
in any quest for power is to accuse your opponent of doing exactly what
you plan to do yourself.
Gallahad and Lancelot; Cosgrove and ?
Our first knight is a career warrior. Did a great job after Cyclone
Larry sure, A lot of stuff regarding his presence in East Timor with
INTERFET from given ASIS’ last effort, well… A last point on Cosgrove,
this man was not conscripted to go to Vietnam, he was not an erk, he
won a MC. Bravery, or just pleasure in killing? Anyway, our very first
currency-lad warrior knight.
Abbott’s obsequious explanation
of the alleged Letters Patent was nowt but a breathless, urine-soaked
fawning to the Knightsbridge elite — a pathfinder flare to the future of
Australia, 1840.
Which brings us to investment.
At the same time Sir Arfur was about to rip away the tissue of protection
afforded to potential and actual retirees, the Coalition’s attention
has turned to the mechanics of investing knights and dames. No bother,
young Jeremy, who is well-known to hang sniffily with Dame Sarah in the
toilets when the drinking pauses, gets a green light to keep his
manicured hand in the pockets of Australian retirees.
The next step is going to be to make these things hereditary, to
insert them into the weft of Australian culture. All the future yob
Viscounts and Viscountesses, pissed at Doyle’s on Monday afternoon,
saluting the future on their superannuant’s commissions.
And can you imagine what it will do to turf racing?
Ros Reines
and wet dreams come to mind. Papparazi, too, will be winners. A $2k
shot of Sarah, AO, with her head over a polished surface with a rolled
lobster up her nose will become a $20k shot of Dame Sarah with the same
$20.
Advertising is a mutating, rolling maul and, for some, adds nostalgia, like Louie the Fly, can (pun) pay off a second time.
Here’s one due for a comeback:
“So light up a Viscount, a Viscount, a Viscount, light up a Viscount the best of them all."
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